Mother’s Day without my Mom

This Mother’s Day I am feeling rather reflective and emotional. I came across Derek’s self written death post two days ago and it opened a whole flood of emotions for me. I didn’t know Derek and his last blog post was the first time I read his blog. It made me sad that he is not going to be there for his kids, he’s not going to be there to walk them down the aisle. You see, it really affected me. It brought back memories of my mother who has been gone for over 25 years. I was a few years younger than Derek’s daughters’ when my mother passed away to breast cancer.

My mother never got to see me grow up, she never go to see me graduate middle school or graduate high school , or go to college, or watch me get married or when I gave birth to her grandkids. She has been missed tremendously in my life.  Never for a moment have I doubted her love for my brother and I. Infact such was her depth of love for us that she was looking for a woman to get my dad married to while she was on her death bed so that my brother and I would have a motherly figure in our lives (only moms would come up with such a plan ;)) . Well that didn’t happen, my dad played the role of mom and dad in our lives  and we are all super super close.

Even though I spent a very short time with my mom, she did leave a few things with me:

1)      The love of food. My mother used to love collecting recipes and trying them out. If she liked a dish, she made sure to ask the person for the recipe. I love going through her binder from time to time and get inspiration for recipes. I have bookcases full of cookbooks and binders overflowing with recipe cut-outs.

2)      Throwing parties: My parents threw the best parties in town with the yummiest food.  My mom would always entertain people, and she would throw my brother and I the best bday parties in town.  This is something I know lives in me.. whether it is spending months planning my kids bday parties or having an open door policy on thanksgiving (before kids) where 30-40 people would be over.

3)      Her apron – I don’t wear her apron, I don’t let anyone touch it, it is tucked in a drawer in my kitchen and when I want to be close to her, I put it on and do the cooking. Maybe someday I will pass it on to my daughter.

Over the last 4 years since I have embarked on the motherhood journey, I now understand the depth of my love for my children. I understand now that being a mother means being vulnerable, means you tear up for the little things, and that you constantly worry about your child no matter how old they are.  I love my two little pieces of my heart.. that seem to consume so much of my life… coz without them my life wouldn’t be as fulfilled as it is.

SO Happy Mother’s Day Everyone! Celebrate this day with your near and dear ones because life is just too short!


  1. amee says:

    Rashmi – This is such a WONDERFUL heartfelt post! I’m so glad you shared it. I love the photo. I am so sorry you lost your mom at such a young age. I cannot imagine. But it is so good that you held onto what you remember. I feel like I know you 100 times better from this one post than meeting you at camp for the few minutes we got to speak. I look forward to your posts and thank you for opening up to us, your readers and friends.

  2. Sumi says:

    Beautiful, magical, heart-felt.

  3. Melissa says:

    From one motherless daughter to another, I send you courage for every tear you shed for your mom is a blessing that so much love was possible for us in this lifetime.

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