My two favorite people in the whole world who make life worth living…..
I am back! Forgive me for being MIA. I know I have been missing the last few weeks and it is too late to wish you a Happy New Year or talk about the Holidays.
The Sandy Hook Shooting and the Delhi Gang Rape both had a profound impact on me and I have spent the last few weeks reflecting on my life. As a parent I cannot imagine not getting my kid back from school. It is something that doesn’t cross my mind every morning when I drop my kid to school. When the shooting occurred, it made me get back to my nest and really spend time with my family. My heart still cries for the Sandy Hook parents. I think of them everyday.
I am a proud Indian, I am proud of my heritage and culture and seek every opportunity to educate my kids of their heritage and seize every excuse to travel back to India. I have always wanted a life where I would spent part of the time in India and the rest of it in the US. I have also harbored the idea of moving back to India as I have been impressed by the economic development in India. The Delhi Gang Rape on December 16th shattered the vision I had for my life.
It brought back all the things I have blocked from my head. The constant teasing by men whether you are crossing the road or at a stop sign. Growing up, I remember keeping rocks and pebbles with me. Whenever the teasing would get too much, I would start throwing them. Back then just throwing the rocks would make the guys run saying I was crazy. Not sure what would happen if my younger self did that today given how brutal the men were in the Delhi Gang Rape case.
You cannot walk in crowded public spaces without being rubbed against or groped. I spent my New Years Eve talking to my girlfriends, where we shared our blocked experiences at being in public places in India. I cried for my culture as incidents I had observed or experienced came back to me. I remembered how much gender inequality exists in India. I have seen that it’s okay for a man to hit his wife. In my extended family I have seen my educated girl cousin who is a lawyer being asked to sit at home as her to be in-laws did not want her working. She’s more educated than her fiance! Growing up I remember hearing comments from my extended family about the color of my skin. White skin tone is the desired skin tone in India. Nothing about my capability or competency was ever mentioned by the extended family except for the color of my skin. It always bothered me that women always ate last.
As these memories came back, I started questioning if that is the life I wanted my daughter to experience. Will I ever move back to India and be happy? Will I always worry for my daughter’s safety in India? Do I want her to experience all of this? I am still on the fence.
Over the last few weeks, I have really really come to love the US. I have always been grateful for all the opportunities it has given me and now I have to the realization that this may just become my home forever. Here I know, if I need help, I will get help in the US whether it is a complete stranger or a cop/medic/firefighter. There is a sense of fairness and justice here.
Well I am back now.. my weeks of introspection is over. Last year was a great year for YumKid. I will be working on making this year even better….
Thank You for your support. Without it YumKid will not be what it is.